Tuesday, April 13, 2010

these are my confessions, ursher style.

-I can and will find a way to trip over anything that crosses my path. Tree root, side walk curb, your foot, my foot, the air. Been there, done it. All of it.
-Time spent with brother is one of my favorites. I will always deny knowing him in public but fucking hell, I love this kid. Often times, we're still 10 and 7 years old, driving my mother insane and making each other laugh the way no one else can. I get sentimental and can't wait until his 21st birthday so I can fly from where ever I am to take him to a bar and get him piss ass drunk. And we'll fall asleep, momma's drunken babies, in a blanket fort we made in our living room, like the golden days.
-Feminine wiles are so fun. I'm afraid I'm becoming a hussy and I'm not even meaning to be. Society has taught women that crying works every time, eyelashes can say more than words ever could and instead of thinking that that guy at the gym front desk is a creep, I could just smile and tell him, yes, I did have a great workout.
-I tend to eat candy late at night. I'm a sucker for it anytime of day, but there's nothing like twelve Laffy Taffys to comfort me in bed.
-I'm good at first impressions, horrible with maintaining contacts. So yeah, we did well in the group setting but I'll probably be conveniently busy every Saturday for the next three years so we'll never date. And yeah, lab partner/coffee shop mate/random person on the street, we'll exchange numbers and make plans to bake cookies or see that movie but will I ever call you? Probably not. And I know I should. I know you're a cool person and I want to expand my social circle but my phone is always on vib or I'll prioritize the gym. And this is why I'll have my same eight best friends forever and always refer to Ground Zero Boy when I'm bored/lonely.
-I've always known I will never get married (just let me plan a wedding) but I am starting to believe I will never be in a long-term, lasting relationship. I cringe at how couples stay together 10, 20, 30, however many years. No one has anything interesting to say for ten years, I'm sorry.
-I have this weird obsession with Dreams by Fleetwood Mac. It reminds me of a missed opportunity I'm glad I didn't take because "players only love you when they're playing games." Also, my preferred walking to school music is Heart. Try it, it's badass.

1 comment:

  1. Your writing style is so genuine and stylized... if you could translate it to public speaking, you'd be unstoppable. Aubrey Sedaris!

    I say this because I just got back from toastmasters and everyone is such a good speaker, but their writing is so dispassionate and disingenuous.

    Which is weird because you're such a liar.