this weekend, i:

-ran four miles and then seven without stopping. LA here I come (still a huge way to go).

-went party hopping with Ives. let me tell you, it was, erm, wild.

-studied forever and tried to figure out why philosophy hates me so much.

-went on a huge nature walk with Duke.

-drank a lot of coffee, typical.

-searched everywhere for Travis. must I pay $34.99 to find you?

-baked scones and cinnamon rolls. and then ate them with dad.

-texted my favorite Englishman until the wee hours of the night.

-watched my baby brother do a back flip on a snowboard.

-plotted Operation Postcard. so excited for next weekend.

-also, decided it's time time time.

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What I'm thinking.

-I will be TWENTY in two weeks.

-I'm dancing 24 hours for charity in two weeks.

-If all goes accordingly, I will be traveling (well, away from home) for about half of this year.

-I'm training for and running the LA marathon in a couple months.

-I'm sucking up my fears and getting my tattoo on Feb. 11. (also cutting my hair that day.)

-I'm storming the capital(s), California and DC, hippy style.

-My "soulmate" is visiting in April. I couldn't be more excited.

And of course with all of this, I've been filling out application after application.

very special words.

you may continue to call it a breakup. i will continue to call it an exorcism.

celebrating america

(in january, in rain)

when hearts are far apart and broken.

Upon seeing various couples walking around downtown, the conversation from inside our parked car went like this:

"Look at these happy high school couples."

"Yeah, well fuck them."

"Yeah! Hey girl, in a year or so from now, he'll screw you over and you'll have nightmares and text your best guy friend in the middle of the night saying you want to be kidnapped."

"And hey guy, she'll leave you so washed up, you'll be so insecure and unsure of yourself and have to ask your best girl friend for advice over the lamest things."

and that's the (true) story of how we sat in the car for an hour yelling at passerby this afternoon.

a thought.

It scares me when I hear/read about the disater in Haiti. Buildings flattened like pancakes, bodies lining the streets, poor quality drinking water, no food. 50,000 projected to be dead. Fifty-thousand. It rolls over our heads as easily as we can say it. But then I realize that those were fifty-thousand lives. Lives that are lost, were loved, and will be missed. And then I remember this from my readings a couple years ago: "One death is a tragedy; one million is a statistic." -Stalin

And it just saddens me that this statement is true and all this is lost in translation.

edit: 140,000 expected dead

food.

My schedule is kind enough that it allows me more time to cook. As part of our construction, Ives and I are eatin' vegan for three weeks. Easier said than done. I've never craved donuts, cream cheese, and mochi as much as I have these first three days. But things are still delicious and I am collecting a bunch of recipes that I'm eager to try out.

Tonight: kept it light since lunch was huge (I fail at rice cookers by the way and Bryan had to come teach me how to not make rice krispie treats.) little tomato/olive oil toasts (ate all of them obviously), and the best fresh salad with lots of avocado.

little happies

a list of things that currently make me happy:

1. neighbor's music (see last post)

2. phone talking for an hour with my gramma, listening to her wisdom and sharing our hopes

3. maintaining my resolutions & even checking off some of january's goals

4. stalking BF in a parking lot and then taking a long walk in the dark, with coffee, of course.

5.

a. mirror tray thifted yesterday in pasadena. got such good deals. b. and finally! the perfect red cowboy boots i've been looking for for years. also thrifted, also cheap ($10! shh)

i smell sex and candy, yeah

The walls of my apartment are paper thin so we hear everything that happens on either side and on top. Today the noise of choice coming from the right was shower (our bathrooms share the wall so we definitely know each other's showering habits even if we didn't want to) and music. And let me just say that neighbor has good taste. We started off with Bob Marley's version of "Don't worry be happy" and finished up with Marcy Playground's "Sex and Candy." You can bet I was dancing around with my toothbrush.

it's not a miracle we needed.

I must admit the other night Best Friend and I were up to no good and driving and driving as usual, blasting gangster rap though we are not. And I'm telling him things I shouldn't; things I shouldn't ever tell a boy I am not romantically involved with, or maybe not anyone at all. But I was so angry and frustrated and confused by everything the world contains. And I'm just a speck. He and I, we're just specks. But he is sad and I am concerned and I will always love love this boy for no reason because I couldn't tell you why. And then he asks me what's really going on. We're at a stop light now and I get shaky and jittery like I usually do. The forehead beneath my bangs is a little wet and I play with my hands- a telltale sign that I'm thinking too much and afraid of what might come out of my mouth. So I say it's not a huge deal and I don't understand why I am getting so many lectures about it. He says he's not lecturing, just wondering, protecting. We're laughing now, my car is going through a vortex, my brain is disconnected and floating, and we stare in wonder at the amorphous skunks.

new.

aside from the resolutions/goals i have written in my black book (the ones i can't say out loud), my resolutions for 2010, or at least this school quarter include:

sleeping at least seven hours a night, at least three times a week.

the end.