Monday, May 31, 2010

on thinking too much.

There are times when we can't help but play the what if game because really, that's what life ends up to be. What if I never met him, what if you never hung out with her, what if you never started smoking those damn cigarettes. And we can't help but think a little abstractly in these settings. It is here where we define anxiety and here where I feel myself the most nervous because you remind me it's not all black and white. We go on pretending that it's always black and white, trying to deny that our every reality isn't gray. And you make me so sad. Your beautiful thoughts and me on the cusp of tears, feeling tense in that situation where you just know that you and the other person are just about to kiss. I laugh so hard at this, the contradiction we are with our chapstick and gum. We stare out at what we're calling the fifth dimension, the linear time line, the near cataclysmic disturbance that can happen at any moment because we know that there is no system, the universe is indifferent and beyond the facade we're both so brilliant at upholding the truth is, it's not based on philosophy or our theories or the paths we didn't take in life; we're both just fucking scared of getting old.

1 comment:

  1. this is amazing, aubs.
    and, put me in the category for being utterly frightened of getting fucking old. i am ignoring it. it will not happen. i will not get old. would you agree that one is only as old as they think they are?