Thursday, July 30, 2009

A Letter to an Asshole:

Thank you so very much for building me up only to let me come crashing down. To an extent I knew what I was in for and I was not expecting much, if anything from you, but at the same time you are a smooth-talking, lying, son of a bitch. The four days I spent with you were amazing and I am grateful but every dog has its day and you just proved to be the ultimate mangy mutted asshole.

Truth be told, I want this to end amicably because you really are a sweet guy and for that I despise you and automatically send my condolences to any girl who comes into contact with you and your bullshit vocabulary. I miss you and your stupid way of kissing me perfectly and I really hate that I become attached and long for you, you pathetic human being. Also, I hate that you gave me your iPod and that red sweater because both gestures were adorable and I want to bottle up those feelings forever but I cannot so I hate that even more.

You were the best weekend boyfriend I have ever had but do not take pride in that because you do not deserve such a title.
Best of luck,

P.S. I am pretty certain I left my sweater in your car again so give it back.
P.P.S. I can never listen to the White Stripes in the same way and I love(d) them. Thanks.
P.P.P.S. I stole your tea and drank all of it.

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