Monday, February 14, 2011

the great ring incident of 2011.

Also known as, how a ring got stuck on my big ass finger for approximately 50 hours.
For my night out on the town on Saturday I wore my most recent Forever 21 purchase and newly favorite ring, this silver and faux turquoise ring that actually looks like it cost more than I paid for. It fit perfectly on my middle finger but after a night of festivities, I couldn't get it off all day yesterday. I wanted to go get a manicure because that would be a perfect gentle activity my post-21 year old body could handle. Somewhat annoyingly they make you take off all your jewelry but I'm a big jewelry person and there are two small rings I never take off and I always wear my purple Silly Band and a friendship bracelet. Anyway, I tried soap and water and bunch of other creative techniques from the "How to remove a ring from a swollen finger" page. No such luck. I went to sleep thinking it would come off the next morning because morning is when the body retains the least amount of water. Well I woke up around 4:30am because I could feel it throbbing. I dunked it in ice water, took some ibuprofen but 30 mins later it was still as swollen as ever and the ring was going no where. Enter the help of my dad. He's a former paramedic/current firefighter and deals with idiotic people and their similar accidents all the time. He attempts to saw the ring off my finger. Yes, saw. with a hack saw. It makes a shallow indent but the metal is too thick, the blade too dull, we'd be there all day. "Get dressed, we're going to the fire station," dad says and so I obey and get out of my floral night gown.
We're ringing the door bell at the station a little after 5. A sleepy fireman seemingly unfazed by having to deal with a girl with a ring stuck on her finger lets us in. It was more about the reunion between him and my dad who hadn't seen each other in awhile. It was cute to see my dad in his natural habitat. Dad: "Whoa, did you guys get a new fire engine?" Him: "Yeah, it's the Nimbus 2000!!" Just kidding, but was the Something-500.
Flashing forward almost an hour later and two firemen, three different ring cutters, a saw, some pliers, PUTTING MY HAND IN A VICE, a screw driver, me wanting to cry but instead sweating, a small cut and a big bruise later and my finger was free and my ring was split in half. Hallelujah.
Lessons learned from this story:
-don't drink and jewelry
-Chinese metal craftsmanship is on par. That sucker was indestructible, no wonder China is emerging as a top super power.
-Daddy knows best. (and that sounds creepy)
and that's my post-tragedy swollen hand! note the middle finger. thank goodness amputation was not involved. also, and somewhat unfortunately, I still had time to drive back to school for my 8am. I had really wanted to have my dad write a letter...."Dear professor, please excuse Aubrey from college as her finger was swollen with a ring stuck on it..."

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