Sunday, July 18, 2010

my life, as a sitcom.

*disclaimer: i'll begin by saying that i in no way intend to be offensive, though it's really really hard to be PC in this one.
so after my marina run, friday continued to be awesome and after a brief social interaction with a friend, i spent most of the day reading in willard park where i ended up falling asleep and waking up significantly darker. i ate a delicious meal and then wandered down to a nail spa for a pedicure. afterwards i went to memorial glade to read more when the following event transpired.
*mentally challenged guy in a motorized wheel chair rolls up: hi, can i talk to you?
me, removing sunglasses and looking up from book: um, yeah sure. how are you?
guy: good. what's your name? can i ask you something?
me: aubrey, of course. are you okay?
guy (whispering): yes. can i shake your hand?
me: oh, okay.
guy, rolls closer and extends hand
me, shakes his left hand awkwardly with my right, reluctantly.
guy (still whispering): can i ask you something?
me (sort of annoyed): what?? i can't hear you.
guy (still whispering): can we be friends?
me: sure... (out of reluctance again, i put sunglasses back on & begin fumbling with my phone like i have someone to talk to)
guy (still whispering): can i tell you something?
me (more annoyed, thinking of an escape plan): uhh, i still can't hear you....
guy (reg. voice): can i tell you something?
me: yes.
guy (whispering): my friend died
this is when he begins to cry, FAKELY
me: oh, i'm really sorry to hear that.
guy (whispering again, fucking hell): can i ask you something?
guy (rolls his moto-chair closer): will you be my girlfriend?
WTF, terrified at this point, me: i..i..i'm really busy. (i go back to reading)
guy, tells me more stupid things while i continue to ignore him, then after a few minutes: well, bye.

i watch him roll away and try to talk to other people who mostly ignore him. then all of the sudden, he rolls back my way! (as seen in picture, behind the tree) this is when i make a dick move by quickly gathering my belongings and making a mad dash far far away from the grass area. crisis averted, though this goes down as the only action i've received all summer.**

** not really, but the most long-lasting...? most significant...? but seriously, why me god? i started going to church again last week in case you didn't notice.

1 comment:

  1. with that photo, I just picture the music to Jaws playing.
    so creeptastic.
    I have cookies and bread heading your way tomorrow! Love you, Darling!