Thursday, December 17, 2009

the words i should have said

Do you remember that night we were in the car for what seemed like hours and finally, frustrated, you asked me what I wanted from you? And I hesitated and my brain was in over load so I said I didn't know. Well, I did know and at the risk of sounding cheesy, cliche, and horribly desperate, I couldn't tell you that what I wanted from you was for you to be my boyfriend. And part of me felt that our mutual fear of commitment and labels would consume any feelings and progress that could happen for us. So I lied and we were both disappointed that night and I've been kicking myself in the ass ever since.
And I think about you all the time, like when those songs come on and I remember how they're your favorite and you sang them in my ear. Or when I'm driving passed the street where we got pulled over at four in the morning and we were both scared but you were too afraid to admit. Or when I think about the fact that no one, much less a male, could almost love Panera as much as I do to eat with me there basically every other day.
And so I've decided that the next time we 're in this situation, and I'm positive it will happen sooner than later, and you ask me what I want from you, I will say you. I want you. And I won't be afraid of that anymore.

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