that one time i wrote a brilliant philosophy essay based on an episode of rugrats and only three minutes of studying.

So I'll be the first to admit that I absolutely hate philosophy or "Phil" as I refer to him as. I mean, really, philosophy wouldn't be around if it weren't for a bunch of idiotic white men with nothing better to do with their time than to come up with lame theories on how I'm not a human being or am secretly attracted to my father (hence the appropriate pronoun). But anyway, I guess my hatred for Phil stems from both the fact that I don't really understand the subject but also, I don't even want to understand the subject.
So there I am every Tuesday at 8 freaking a.m. in discussion with my TA whom absolutely hates me and a bunch of eggheads whom are more than likely taking this class in their spare time. And you know how teachers will give a student a pseudo-pensive "hm...okay" if a student doesn't answer a question correctly or if they are not satisfied with said student's response? Well TA does that to me after EVERYTHING I say. And participation for this class is twenty percent of our overall grade so I have no choice but to make up some bullshit solely to not fail this course. (But realistically, the probability of at least one of my answers being correct can't be zero, which is why I'm completely certain TA hates me.) Meanwhile, Trevor* will follow up my lackluster answer with something insightful, leaving TA and the rest of the class believing that every word that falls from Trevor's mouth is gold, and maybe it is--Trevor's nothing short of brilliant but he's also one of the most attractive men I've ever come into contact with which must count for something. So there's TA at the front of the classroom applauding Trevor, writing what he said on the board and basically telling Trevor to bend over right there so TA can kiss his ass.
Though admittedly I should probably not be so apathetic and make more wise choices but when S is home and there's coffee to drink and havoc to be wrought, of course I'm going to chose that rather than study for the next day's midterm. S and I both agreed that Phil is DUMB and I should just write DUMB for every answer on the midterm. But you see, I may do what I want when I want but that doesn't mean I don't feel guilty for doing so (and I really do care a lot about doing well in school). So I got home around midnight and logged into Youtube, typed Kant in the search box and stumbled upon the most brilliant and lifesaving three-minute video ever. It was like everything Trevor ever regurgitated so eloquently was compiled into a short, Microsoft Paint-made video with some weird voice explaining what I taught myself to hate. And so this was all the studying I needed.
I went into midterm feeling pretty confident having remembered everything that video taught me. I breezed through the key terms and short answers section and finally got to the essay portion where we were to pick one of three essay choices. I chose the second because it related to all the examples of the three-minute video but also...to an episode of Rugrats?

For some reason I will never forget this episode where Chuckie commits some moral wrong and is guilty and keeps repeating "If a promise you can't keep, it will haunt you in your sleep and as you lie beneath your quilt, you will feel a conscience full of guilt." I was probably about seven when I saw that episode but that silly rhyme has stuck with me ever since. Combined with my Catholic guilt and this is what I think has prevented me from lying throughout my life (well, at least reducing the amount I lie...or at least feeling guilty about the amount I lie). And so I was super stoked to finally be able to use Rugrats in a practical situation and I wrote this awesome essay about Chuckie and how he embodies Kantian philosophy and I'm 99.9% certain I aced this midterm.
So in conclusion, you know how people can "like" really stupid situations on Fbook these days? Well, if I could I would like "that one time I wrote a brilliant philosophy essay based on an episode of Rugrats and three minutes of studying."
Anyway, now I'm gonna go subjectify my body and sell my soul for the sake of science and a hundred bucks!

*Name has been changed to protect the innocent and maintain my secret crush.